


A List or Two

by Adamarks



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, simon's lists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22396501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamarks/pseuds/Adamarks
Summary: some of simon's mental lists he made in regards to Baz
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 23
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

**Reasons why Baz has to be a dark creature of the night: A List**

  * **His hair—** no one’s hair just _looks_ like that. Especially not without, like, product or something. He literally looks even better when he _doesn’t_ fix it. I think it’s some sort of glamour or something. Penny says it’s not, but I think I’m onto something. 


  * **Eats small living animals (?)** — I have no proof for this one, but one time I saw him eyeing a squirrel like it was the tastiest thing he’d seen in years. There’s also all of those little rat corpses down in the catacombs. I mean, I know I shouldn’t find the murder of innocent rodents funny, but sometimes I picture Baz sucking down a chinchilla or something and almost burst into laughter. 


  * **Football** — he makes it look so effortless it pisses me off. I’ve started watching him every practice. He has to slip up and accidentally use his vampire light speed or whatever the fuck _eventually,_ right? I wonder if he’s fast even for a vampire. His legs are beyond fit. He could probably crush a watermelon or something. (I wonder if I can crush a watermelon. I’m going to try that later.)


  * **He’s so pale** — I’ve seen a picture of his mom and she was pretty dark. I wonder if being a vampire makes you lose all your colour. Sometimes I wonder what he’d look like if he was darker like his mom. 


  * **He’s a prat** — this isn’t really proof. Just, like, fuck him. 


  * **He looks pissed off whenever he sees my cross** — Penny says this isn’t proof, but I disagree. He all but bit my head off the first time he saw me wearing it. Crankier than usual for the _entire_ week. It’s definitely because I figured out the best vampire repellent. Plus, he tends to glare at me if he notices me chewing on it. I’m starting to wonder if I could become impervious to all vampire attacks if I just ate a cross. Penny won’t let me try, but I’m onto something. 


  * **Doesn’t sleep** — okay he does but _barely._ Not as much as he _should,_ at least. He might just have insomnia and I feel kinda bad, but maybe it really is a vampire thing. I can’t rule it out. 


  * **Fits the bill** — He’s the biggest vampire stereotype in the world: handsome, mysterious, pale, dark hair, nice hands, rich, snobby, smart, good eyebrows, witty, evil, annoying. The complete package. I’m amazed I’m the only one that thinks he’s a vampire. Really, at this point it’s just about getting him to admit it. Or catching him in the act…




	2. Chapter 2

**Reasons Why I Fucking Hate Baz: A List**

  * **He’s a cunt— Fuck him.**


  * **His hair** — _Fuck_ him. 


  * **His smile** — He has such a nice smile and it only shows up when he’s being an absolute _fucking_ cock. 


  * **He’s evil.**


  * **He sucks.**


  * **He always says the worst possible things.**


  * **He’s made me cry before and I fucking _hate_ that he gets to me. **


  * **He’s a bitch.**


  * **He’s ugly and stupid.**


  * **He’s the worst**


  * **He always smells nice**


  * **His long fucking name** — who needs a name that fucking long anyway? I hope he drowns in the moat. 


  * **I’m not even entirely sure why he hates me.**


  * **Literally just fuck Baz.**


  * **I have to share a room with him.**


  * **Fuck Baz.**




	3. Chapter 3

**Things I’ve always wanted to do to Baz: A List**

  * **Pull his hair.**


  * **Kiss him.**


  * **Be allowed to watch him while he sleeps.**


  * **Hold his hand.**


  * **Make him laugh.**


  * **Pinch his nose.**


  * **Hug him.**


  * **Sleep in the same bed as him.**


  * **Kiss his cheek.**


  * **Play with his hair.**


  * **Do a dip kiss like in films.**


  * **Pull him into a kiss by the belt loops.**


  * **Pull him into a kiss by his tie.**


  * **Sit on his lap.**


  * **Make him sit on my lap.**


  * **Kiss his hand.**


  * **Lay my head on his chest.**


  * **Pick him up.**


  * **Kiss him while he’s trying to study.**


  * **Kiss him.**


  * **Date him.**


  * **Not have to hate him.**




	4. Chapter 4

**Reasons I’m in love with Baz: An Incomplete List**

  * **He’s kind**


  * **He’s annoying**


  * **He makes me happy**


  * **He’s funny**


  * **He’s smart**


  * **He’s beautiful**


  * **He’s sensitive**


  * **He pisses me off to no end**


  * **He’s a real prick sometimes**


  * **He’s so bitchy**


  * **And whiny**


  * **He has a nice voice**


  * **He has nice hands**


  * **His hair**


  * **His eyes**


  * **His lips**


  * **He’s ticklish**


  * **He looks pissed off when he’s bored.**




End file.
